I expected this time in Italy to be full of the emotional ups and downs for sure. Thus far during my travels, I have tried to stick with posting only those fantastically wonderful ups, but now is an important moment for me to take some time and discuss those sometimes horribly depressing downs. My study abroad experience while at the University of Georgia taught me that homesickness would be one such obstacle I would have to conquer while living abroad for such an extended time. Little did I expect that those overwhelming, pit-forming moments would be so strong at week two. Luckily they only lasted for about a week, and were replaced by a stronger sense of personal adventure and excitement about truly living in Florence. They have since returned only for short moments and never as strong. Christmas I know will be full of mixed emotions, but all in all will be full of new experiences that I can treasure for a lifetime. It has helped to realized that the love I have for my home, family, and friends while difficult to physically express thousands of miles away, are no less strong and enduring than when I am surrounded by them. Love, I have come to understand knows no sense of distance nor is it limited by time zones or the magnitude of vast oceans. I can rest assured that those people and places I love are aware of my love and I of there's. It is also such a blessing to have Skype, which makes the longings for home much more bearable when I can see the faces and hear the voices of my loved ones back in the States. I have been placed in Florence, partly because of my own desire, fascination, and affection for this "citta bella", with its many cultural treasures, as well as, I believe, God's ultimate plan and desire for my life which will be to the growth of myself. Simply put, I am here so I choose to make the most of it!
However, as of late, another distraction from this bliss has interrupted and shaken my joy while living here. This obstacle is neither internal, nor is it self inflicted. The "honeymoon phase" with which I enjoyed approximately two month with the family and Giova has worn away to leave very distinct and visible differences in the methods and ways I was raised, and how Italians, and moreover this family, choose to raise Giovanni. Little Giova now is coming to the realization that I am not merely a playmate nor am I one who will blindly give in to his tantrums and his fits of anger. I try as hard as I know how to continue to show and tell him everyday how much I care and adore him, with the truth that I am his teacher, mentor, and a respected adult in his life. Finding a balance that suits both my needs and those of his parents has posed the greatest of challenges. I see my job and duty here as someone who must get the essentials like eating, getting dressed, brushing teeth, and bath time done, while also making sure to focus on the moments in between when playing, coloring, and having fun help to make our relationship strong and full of joy. In the last few weeks Giova has begun to blatantly ignore and sometimes intentionally sabotage my efforts. He knows that his parents can at times give in quite easily and when he is frustrated or angry with me, will run to them as a place of refuge and consolation. Mavi has even gone as far as to admit that it is his fault, but that I must evolve to work around it, which I find a bit laughable. They do not understand that this builds a wall between he and I and also destroys the relationship that we must foster where he respects my authority and listens to my advice. Giova also realizes that as for his parents, a well placed tear or a proper angry scream often warrants their intervention and thus continues in his achieving his goals and getting what he wants. I have tried to discuss this problem with his parents and thus far have had little in the way of help and support. I have been sustained by compliments and motivation from other au pairs and other mothers in the community who applaud my somewhat strict methodology and see that it is needed by Giovanni to help him transition from his more toddler-like mentality to a more responsible and respectful young childhood phase.
Luckily for both his parents and I, Christmas holiday has come, and this time apart will give us both an opportunity to reevaluate what we need from each other, as well as what we want for and from Giovanni. I have been fortunate to have other au pairs give me advice, and in one instance, buy me a small toy to use for a certain technique she has taught me. I am so lucky to be supported by these great people as well as from everyone back home. I am having a fantastic few first days of my holiday break and am already excited about the families return, when I can start to tackle these problems and solve these issues in a more constructive way. I can always use more prayers, but I know I am firstly in God's hands, and secondly, determined in my own ability to evolve, adapt, and work hard through any problem. Man, who new moving to Italy would teach me so much! Merry Christmas to all and to all a good night!
"Today in the town of David a Savior has been born to you; he is Christ the Lord." Luke 2:11
"Oggi nella città di Davide un salvatore è nato a voi, che è il Cristo Signore". Luca 2:11
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